White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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