i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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