"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this will be a night to untag.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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