Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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