sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
