My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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