So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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