I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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