You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
