So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
