good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.