If i come over, it means nothing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.