i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
