I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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