she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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