is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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