Me. At least after what I've been through.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
