I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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