just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
