I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
