I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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