I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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