We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
