I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
