Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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