dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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