Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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