my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
