its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
