U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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