it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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