Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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