That's when you crack a 10am beer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
