apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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