if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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