Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
