You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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