i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
