I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
