If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
