Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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