oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
