Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
