Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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