the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
