sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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