3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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