i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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