dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
