dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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