I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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