you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
