I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
