He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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